I don’t like fresh tomatoes. I can hardly swallow a single slice of it. But when it goes with bacon & lettuce… hmmm I can guzzle my BLT with much gusto. But certainly this blog is not about the BLT sandwich per se.
Sandwich I mean is the mode that john and I used whenever we want to call each other’s attention for a specific negative individual or marital concern.
In our eight years of marriage, john and I used to have a communication problem. John is spontaneous and lengthy yet specific with the used of words while I am the exact opposite of John. Plus I am fond of using euphemism to deliver negative points that on john’s end brings most often than not a lot of connotations.
John who is being direct often flares me up when he stress out to me some issue. Though he meant it well but his being a denotative-type often appears an offense for me. The confrontation then turns to bitter squabble and ends in a “lampshade” position in our bed. (Lampshade position is each faced its own lampshade)
The Lord had dealt this attitude of ours to us. John and I are doing well with our external ministries but we always tend to skew to the left with our internal ministry, our home. It is always affected by our own behavior. And we always moved around the cycle (kiss and make up, and, “there she/he goes again” chain). Until three weeks ago, we really got down to the issue and addressed our character as a spouse and a couple.
By God’s grace, we were able to arrive in the finish line without raising our voice, pointing each other’s weaknesses, and being “historical” over century-old fights (just a hyperbole phrase of those multi-layered hang-ups and arguments)
How did we do it? First, We get to the Word and Seek God’s will for us as a couple. Second, we recalled couples we admired and looked up to, and study their relationship so we can apply it in our own marriage. Third, we applied sandwich approach. Sure you heard this style. True it is a 3 steps approach. Step 1; say a positive comment (like john and myself, we recognized things we admired from each other). Step 2, mention the negative behavior/ comment (john and I rather put it this way, we bring up the things we need to improve on) and; Step 3; finish the conversation with another positive comment (We wrapped the dialogue with the assurance of love).
Like tomatoes, I can’t take it alone but put the slice of tomato with bacon, lettuce, some spread in-between two slices of bread makes a palatable sandwich. That goes with negative remark when accompanied by positive comments makes confrontation constructive