I have been silent for awhile… I am already in the process of healing… sometimes attack comes but it ain’t that hard as it was. I can sleep without Xanor anymore… and I have to rest whenever I feel tired already to avoid the attack. I am getting a hobby so I can unwind and relax. I drop all the works and we moved in to a new house.
Right now, I am inside my cocoon… but I am almost ready to come out and fly. I really do not have much to say… but it is doing me good to be still and quiet. In time maybe, I can narrate the whole experience but then again…for now. . . I want to stay silent in this area of my life.
My whole week was too stressful…my kids got sick. My youngest, Zoe, has been sick thrice already for this quarter alone. He had German measles, then nasal infections, and now amoeba and UTI. My only daughter has stomach flu. Then today my eldest son who had recently been operated on is having fever. All three are sick this week.
If I can only carry their illnesses instead… I would do that. And then… I came to realize that Jesus did that. He carried all our sin… He bore the cross that symbolizes the sins of the world… every single sin. He took the penalty of death so that we can have life in His name. By His blood Jesus paid the price for our transgression…
Back to my children, I saw how my kids wailed each time a needle pricks their finger. And I cant simply look at it bravely. It hurts me more hearing them cry in pain and helpless. If only there’s another way other than those needles, I am gonna take that option. But there was no other means, the only way to get the cure is to submit to the process of laboratory tests. And needles are no exemption.
Looking at my kids and realizing my powerlessness, I could only imagine the agony of God seeing His innocent Son bearing it all. I am sure there is no word that can describe how crush God’s heart would be at the sight of the most painful and shameful death that Jesus went through. Though He is God, He let things happened because He knew it was best for us. His unconditional love is amazing. It is so hard to comprehend.
My feelings of seeing my kids twinged may be not comparable to the hurt that God felt at that time. I can only draw a little analogy of both scenario and how apt it is to present it in this time of lent. I can only praise God for His Love for us.